A Guide to Essential Self-Care this Holiday Season
Understanding Holiday Stress
The holiday season is seen as a time full of festive magic, joy and togetherness. We think of the perfectly curated holidays dressed with twinkling lights and merriment. But for many of us, the holiday season is actually filled with stress, expectation, and grief. The holiday season can trigger a host of stressors whether it be social pressure to accept invites, host parties and family gatherings, purchase the perfect gifts, juggle complicated family dynamics and relationships, pressure to keep up traditions, managing travel plans or feeling as though we must act cheery and joyful when in fact, we may be entering the holiday season holding the immense weight of grief.
The holiday season can leave us feeling frazzled, exhausted, resentful, hurt. Your well-being and mental health matters. Hopefully this Guide can steer you towards intentional actions that honor your own needs without shame or guilt and that produce and protect your peace this holiday season.
What Causes Holiday Stress?
Societal Norms and Commercialization
Nearly 70% of Americans feel stressed during the holidays. One of the causes of holiday stress comes from the expectation to conform to societal norms. During this time, the media continues to feed us an image of the ideal holiday filled with extravagant decorations and perpetual joy. When the reality fails to match, anxiety and guilt can set in.
Social pressure to accept invites to holiday parties, secret Santa gift exchanges, potlucks and other holiday events can feel overwhelming. The commercialization and marketing that accompany the season cad add pressure to find the perfect magical gift for each person or cook the perfect holiday dishes.
It’s OK to Say No. Accepting every social invitation can add a lot of stress to your plate.
Old Family Dynamics
The holiday season can mean more time with family. For some of us, we generally get along well with family and we look forward to more family time. However, this is not the case for all of us. More time with family might ignite old tensions and conflicts and may bring back unpleasant memories. Familial expectations and pressure to keep up traditions while managing tricky family dynamics can stir up discomfort and sadness and lead to increased stress and emotional exhaustion.
Family roles influence how we interact within our family systems. These roles can have both negative and positive aspects. When spending more time with family, it is not uncommon for old family dynamics to re-emerge and to find ourselves and our family members reliving patterns and roles from childhood. As an adult, it can feel really unsettling to realize you have slipped back into an old role (such as mediator, hero, black sheep, rescuer), especially if you have previously worked on moving beyond these.
Visiting a childhood home or attending a large family gathering may be especially overwhelming if there is a history of trauma. Even though the traumatic events are in the past, these environments and situations can still be painful reminders. Trauma memories are not just stored in our brain, but in our bodies as well. Our nervous system may respond as if the threat is happening in the present. This can cause physical symptoms like tension, upset stomach, fatigue, headache or even flashbacks. The intersection of family dynamics and trauma can be very complex. An abundance of compassion, assertive boundaries and self-care can be helpful.
Grief
If you are feeling grief this holiday season, know that you are not alone. The holidays can intensify grief. Holiday traditions may be reminders of loss and the expectation to be merry and bright can feel isolating and lonely. Give yourself permission to grieve, to weep, to mourn. Allow yourself to feel it all and feel it hard. AND give yourself permission to allow grief and joy to co-exist. Moving through grief is about building capacity to experience both grief and joy, both sadness and contentment, both despair and hope at the same time. People tend to believe that grief gets smaller over time. In reality, grief stays the same and slowly life grows bigger around grief.
Acknowledge your grief. Grief is a unique and sometimes unpredictable journey. It is OK to feel sad during the holidays and it is OK to feel OK. Reaching out to friends, family, or even mental health professionals can be invaluable.
Engage with rituals or remembrance activities that honor your lost loved ones. Talk about your loved ones, say their name(s), share stories and memories, write in a journal. Do what feels right to you when it comes to honoring and remembering your loved ones.
Instead of setting expectations, try shifting to intentions. Take intentional moments to breathe, to acknowledge your grief, honor and celebrate your loved ones in the ways that feel most meaningful to you.
These actions can provide you with some comfort in this season.
Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Well-Being
At the core of boundary setting is self-respect. Honestly and clearly communicating your boundaries to family and friends sets clear expectations about what you can and cannot do. It gives you the freedom to put your health first and let other people’s disappointments roll off your back. Setting personal boundaries is your greatest resource during the holiday season. Communicating your limits to friends and family is important in order to protect your energy, peace and mental health.
Set Healthy Boundaries with Others
Being clear about your comfort levels to everyone you’re interacting with is really important. Communicate to your family and friends when you’re available and when you need to take a step back.
This is where assertiveness comes into play, and stating your needs and preferences with clarity is one of the most potent acts of self-care. Realize that creating boundaries isn’t about saying no; it’s about saying yes to what you really want and need. It illustrates that you appreciate yourself and your time.
Boundaries with Family and Friends Can Look Like:
Creating a plan in advance and set a time limit for when you will leave the gathering/event.
Removing yourself from uncomfortable situations, having an exit plan and using calming techniques (tapping or deep breathing exercises).
Having a list of acceptable conversation topics and saying “I am not going to talk about that” when needed.
An acceptable and healthy boundary is also saying “no” altogether. “No.” is a complete sentence.
Connect and share your feelings with friends and your support network.
Prioritize time for things that help you feel replenished and rejuvenated (solitary walks, yoga, working out, quiet time to read, time for favorite movies, journaling, meditations, etc.).
Establishing personal boundaries around alcohol consumption and substances will allow you to feel your best emotionally and physically and be more responsive rather than reactive. If you know you will be in a stressful family environment, consider if it may be best to avoid alcohol and substances. When you know how alcohol affects your happiness and health, you’re empowered to make healthier decisions.
Avoid Overcommitting Your Time
During this busy time of year, it’s easy to get stretched thin. Identify where you are overcommitted.
Spend time doing things that feed your soul and reflect your true values. Keep in mind that declining an invitation doesn’t make you a Grinch. It protects your budget and mental health. Focus on the quality of experiences rather than quantity.
Making your mental health a priority is a great first step, and giving a hard no to obligations that don’t contribute to your overall wellness can feel empowering.
Practical Self-Care Strategies
1. Establish a Morning Routine
Developing a morning routine that incorporates self-reflection and mindfulness can help you establish a productive tone from the start. Things like stretching or journaling help create a smooth entry into the day.
This practice helps to make sure that you prioritize your health and wellness in the hustle and bustle of the season. Personalizing a routine to your unique needs makes it more impactful, offering a personal retreat in the midst of the holiday chaos.
2. Create a Bright Atmosphere
Surrounding yourself with bright, good-smelling, or cozy-feeling objects will improve your mood. Natural light and cheerful colors add vibrancy, while engaging in cozy activities at home promotes warmth.
3. Manage Gift Giving Pressure
Setting a maximum dollar amount for gifts can help you avoid overspending, which is a big source of stress at the holidays. Choosing gifts that are thoughtful, meaningful, and not cost-prohibitive leaves room for the important over the extravagant.
Substitutes such as memorable experiences or DIY gifts can lead to fun and meaningful interactions, deepening relationships and saving your budget at the same time.
4. Enjoy Leisurely Walks
Making time for daily walks provides an opportunity to focus your mind and reduce anxiety. Walking becomes a meditation. Social walks with friends or family can provide an opportunity for connection and movement!
5. Stick to a Budget
Coming up with a thorough plan for how much to spend this holiday season is the first step in not going overboard. When you track your expenses, you can more easily stick to your budget and find ways to prioritize important purchases and reduce spending on things that aren’t as necessary.
Removing financial stress helps you prioritize your time on what matters most.
6. Limit Unwanted Contact
Recognizing toxic relationships that deplete your energy, and creating distance is a crucial part of self-care. When you prioritize emotionally healthy interactions, you protect your emotional health and make all your time spent with other people more enjoyable and rewarding.
7. Tidy Up Your Space
An uncluttered home helps create a calm space. Creating a calming environment is key for relaxation and comfort, making it a self-care must-have during the busy holiday season.
8. Embrace Unique Traditions
Creating personal or family traditions that reflect what’s important to you brings depth and significance to the holidays. Experimenting with fresh experiences will create smiles and memories that last a lifetime.
This deepens connections with family and friends and creates the magic of the season.
9. Decline Unnecessary Invitations
Selecting invitations by emotional bandwidth preserves mental health and allows us to show up when it counts. Practicing saying no to misaligned events allows focus on gatherings that bring authentic joy and fulfillment.
10. Decorate with Meaningful Items
Decorations that hold sentimental value or evoke happy memories can help create holiday spaces that feel personal and intimate. Engaging family in decoration decisions builds bonds and crafts a lively environment. This embodies your character and principles.
11. Balance Your Commitments
Looking closely at your holiday schedule will help you keep the balance. So, make sure you prioritize some self-care and downtime even in the busiest of times.
Setting boundaries with clear, open communication with family and friends about your availability can help you preserve this balance.
12. Prioritize Restful Sleep
Having a bedtime routine helps the body shift into relaxation mode for deeper, more restorative sleep. Regular sleep schedules are important for maintaining good mental and physical health, which are critical for managing the extra stressors of the holidays.
The more you can make your space a soothing, calm environment, the better your chances of getting a restful night’s sleep.
13. Engage with Books and Stories
Taking time to read or listen to inspiring stories can boost your energy and improves relaxation.
Telling tales with family and friends deepens relationships and enhances the happiness that the holidays can bring.
14. Foster Joyful Connections
Planning activities that inspire playfulness, make you laugh and enjoy time together with friends and family is very good for your emotional health and can be very healing.
Recognizing the people you care about strengthens bonds and makes the holiday season more fulfilling.
15. Express Emotions Through Writing
Writing in a journal can help you work through emotions and think through the holidays. Writing can also express our thanks and joy, making it an ideal form of self-expression and healing during the holiday season.
16. Refresh Old Presents
Gifts that we’ve never used can be revisited for repurposing or donation, which is very much in keeping with minimalist ideals.
This supports mindful consumption.
17. Reduce Internet Use
Setting boundaries around social media and online shopping reduces anxiety. Scheduling enough offline activities focuses on relaxation and mindfulness.
This ensures that technology adds to your holiday experience instead of taking away from it.
18. Plan a Peaceful January
It can be soothing to mindfully set clear intentions and prepare for a graceful transition into the new year. Scheduling downtime in January helps recover from the holiday hustle, while reflection on holiday experiences informs future self-care practices.
19. Practice Daily Gratitude
Writing a gratitude journal to record daily positive experiences (even micro-ones) improves well-being. By integrating gratitude practices into everyday life, you can cultivate connection, upliftment, and positivity. This can help fortify emotional health through the holidays and beyond.
20. Stay Hydrated and Nourished
During active holiday celebrations, keeping your body hydrated will help you stay healthy as well as energized. Drink more water and eat a rainbow of healthy foods each day.
21. Be Mindful of Eating Habits
Mindful eating means experiencing the flavors and textures of your food and genuinely tuning in to what your body is asking for. Especially over the holidays, this practice can increase your pleasure in food while guiding you towards the choices best for your body.
22. Manage Alcohol Consumption
Mindfulness applies to your drinking habits too. Establishing personal boundaries around alcohol consumption and substances will allow you to feel your best emotionally and physically and be more responsive rather than reactive. If you know you will be in a stressful family environment, consider if it may be best to avoid alcohol and substances. When you know how alcohol affects your happiness and health, you’re empowered to make healthier decisions.
23. Simplify Travel Arrangements
Whether by car, train, or airplane, travel is often one of the most stressful aspects of the holiday season. Getting a plan for logistics established early on can go a long way in alleviating this challenge. Packing light allows for flexibility and avoids some hassle. Having a plan in place for any potential contingencies, like delayed travel plans, will go a long way toward ensuring your peace of mind.
Mindfulness and Intentionality
When you embrace mindfulness and intentionality during the holidays, you’ll find that the season becomes so much more than a list of must-do chores. Approach it with an open mind and curious spirit, and you’ll find yourself savoring moments of connection, gratitude and joy.
Mindfulness is not the absence of discomfort. Practicing mindfulness also allows us to slow down, tune into our experiences with curiosity and compassion so that we can move forward more lovingly attuned to our emotions, experiences and needs.
Start by practicing mindfulness exercises throughout your day to help you remain present. Start by building practices such as deep breathing exercises into your schedule, this can be just a couple minutes at a time. You can also journal to practice checking in with yourself or spend a few silent minutes alone each day.
Taking these little steps can lead to more enjoyment this holiday season.
Incorporate Meditation Practices
Meditation is the foundation of mindfulness practice that helps to provide peace of mind, focus, and clarity. Set aside some time to meditate, even if only a few minutes each day.
Try out different approaches, like deep breathing, body scans, or loving-kindness meditation, to discover what suits you best. Guided meditations are perfect for the holiday hustle, giving you focused time to unwind and recharge.
Conclusion
Let’s approach this holiday season with intentionality, boundaries, mindfulness and self-care. Your well-being matters and you deserve a holiday season with joyful connections and authentic peace.
Happy Holidays from Denver Wellness Counseling!
